What do you do when the day just isn’t panning out? Do you “tough it out”, or do you just get away?
Now I realize, I am one of the fortunate ones, that my problems are first world problems. But we all have our burden to bear, our cross to carry.
And sometimes… you just gotta get away.
The Scenario
I was just sitting in my room, in a contemplative mood – per usual. The life I wanna live is a far cry from the one I’m currently living. So I’m sitting there, already kinda pissed off you know. And I hear my brother laughing loudly in the other room, it’s irritating me. My grandpa keeps calling the business phone instead of my Dad’s phone and my brother has told him that’s not his number anymore. But my grandpa, bless his heart, is oblivious to how technology works. My dog for the 5th time today has whined outside of my room to get in, sat in my room for 2 minutes, then whined to get out.
And I get it, you’re probably thinking, Dean, why do you even care? And I couldn’t tell you honestly. I couldn’t tell you why these simple things are grinding my gears.
They just are you know, and you know, I’m self-aware, I realize that I should be more tolerant, more loving, you know all the regular feel good bullshit? But I don’t care about any of those things right now, I just wanna get away. I wanna live a life that I currently have no idea how I’m gonna make real.
And sometimes, all you can do is just walk away.
The Escape
So I took the car keys (angrily), and I stormed out of the house (quietly). Not today Satan, you’re not gonna get me today. I’m taking things into my own hands. I’m doing what little I can. And perhaps what little I can do, is all I need to do. I grabbed some tea on the way to the park I was going to. Every angry relaxation session needs a good drink to go along with it right? And you know what, I feel good night now. No more chatter, no more random laughing, no more people figuring out how to make phones work. Nothing, just peace.
I feel good, and I’m allowed to feel good. I’m allowed to carve out the space I need to deal with the bullshit that is on my plate, in my own way. And of course people are gonna judge me, everyone loves to judge, “your burden is nothing”. Well sure, but you don’t know what I’ve been through, you don’t know my life, you don’t know my hopes and dreams. You don’t know how I’m being crushed by the weight of my ambitions.
So you know, I feel good right now. And I’m allowed to feel good. I’m allowed to do what is required for me to feel good. My problems aren’t going away, not anytime soon at least. My vision is too vast, the life I dream about is too elusive.
But for today, for this moment, I am in control. I stole some happiness from life. And I’m cherishing it.
The Takeaway
Life’s incessant needs aren’t gonna stop, probably not till our dying breath. There’s always gonna be some problem on our mind, some thing we shouldn’t care about but we do anyway. Someone or something we want to control are powerless to. And you know, that just life. Life is gonna continue to be life for the rest of our lives. And it’s allowed to.
But sometimes, you gotta carve out your peace and freedom man. Even if it’s just a walk in some park by yourself. Even if it’s just a kombucha bottle that you placate yourself with instead of drinking alcohol. It all adds up, in the fight against life’s torment. We all stand a fighting chance – if we don’t give up.
Now this person once said something to me, he’s like “life is not meant to be endured, it’s meant to be lived”. And I’m thinking, I don’t know what life you’re living pal, but I’m definitely counting my days like I’m in a jail cell. Until finally one day I’m free – but let’s be real life’s not gonna let me get free. The condition of the human being is to constantly strive for more. We are never truly satisfied. Dissatisfaction is actually what the Buddhist concept of Dukha is about. That there exists an inherent consistent level of dissatisfaction, that contributes to our suffering.
Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’m gonna get “enlightened” in my lifetime. And you know, I’m okay with that. I’m okay just riding the waves. I get happy when I’m happy, I get sad when I’m sad. Emotions are in motion, and they’re trying to tell you something. Imagine a life where everything’s just neutral and grey. As much as I hate being frustrated, it reminds me I’m human.
So I leave this you with this video, I swear these internet gurus have more wisdom than some of the gurus people worship in this day. And for now, I’m gonna enjoy my peace, stare into the void, and for now, I am at peace.
Peace ✌️